Friday, 30th May 2025
A voiceless curse
I visited my mother but a security guard did not lend me a security card to enter the ward.
I cursed him strongly without saying anything.
He was idiot and coward that he would lend a card to a big guy like a bear.
He must have think I'm a minority and weak.
I went to the ward and rang a bell.
The staff of the ward let me in.
After meeting my mother, a nurse told me that they are old people.
He meant they are too old to be kind.
He turned the door unlocked and let me out.
They turned heater on in my mother's room because she was saying it's cold.
She told me that I should be at home in such a cold day.
She has a high fever.
She was saying it's cold again and again.
I brought black marker and wrote her name on several item.
She said 'It's not your name but mine.'
She does not know I have difficulty of entering the ward.
She said I should not come here because she is alright.
I know there is a hospital in Tokyo with a department specialised in her illness.
My brother might know that.
I haven't heard anything from the doctor.
I would just like to get a second opinion from the hospital in Tokyo but, all we have is just diagnosis.
I can hardly tell those things to my brother because I haven't paid the price at all.
Actually I'm going to be crazy.
I got mad.
However, if someone poked my back, I will burst into crying.
Extremely sad, this is bottomless sorrow.
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